


I know something's broken (and I'm trying to fix it)

by Elisexyz



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brainwashing, F/M, Grant Ward Isn't Hydra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 17:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elisexyz/pseuds/Elisexyz
Summary: “You said he was like a father to you, right?” she goes on. She doesn’t miss the way Grant tenses. “He wouldn’t want you to get killed, would he?”“I’ll go out on a limb here and say that he wouldn’t want me to get brainwashed either,” he shoots back. It’s sharp, but that’s okay. It stings, but soon— soon he’ll understand.





	I know something's broken (and I'm trying to fix it)

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr prompt: [“You don’t understand it now, but I’m trying to protect you.” + Biospecialist](http://heytheredeann.tumblr.com/post/172316540164/hello-hello-biospecialist-you-dont-understand). This is part of what I've officially decided to call my 'Jemma is the creepy one' verse LOL. It takes place before [this ficlet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536087/chapters/32193339): this is the prequel so you shouldn't need to read them both to understand it, buuuut they are related and the first fic is a quick read, so I'm leaving it there. ~~I'm fairly sure that someday Ward is going to rise from his grave and he's going to make me _pay_ for all this.~~

Jemma folds her hands in her lap, stiffing as soon as she hears Grant waking up. She waits a few moments before getting on her feet, bracing herself for his inevitable anger at being injected with a sedative without his consent.

He was trying to talk her into switching allegiances and going back to their team, to him, and the fact that he wants her back is enough to convince her that this will _work_ , that he just needs a little push to stop caring so much about SHIELD’s poisonous agenda.

“Jemma,” he says, as soon as she enters his field of vision, and for a moment he looks shocked and betrayed the same way he did when he found out that her loyalty to SHIELD was merely a façade.

“I’m very sorry I had to sedate you,” she immediately says, and she means it. It hurts to watch him restrained, his eyes forced open and his muscles uselessly twitching in an attempt to break free: the procedure isn’t kind – how could it be? – and she takes no pleasure in thinking that he’ll have to endure it all. But the end result is too important.

“What are you doing?” he asks, and it sounds tired, an implicit plea to stop, maybe.

“I’m taking care of you,” she says, softly, reaching for his face to caress his cheek.

She knows from the way his muscles twitch that he would have flinched away if he could have. It hurts.

“You don’t have to do this,” he insists. “This is isn’t you. Hydra—”

“No, you don’t understand,” she interrupts. “It’s not about Hydra,” she clarifies, because of course he thinks she’s being ordered to do this, of course he thinks it’s all the monsters’ fault. He can’t see that it’s _necessary_. “I’m doing this for _you_.” She watches as the words sink in and he looks half-way between taken aback and confused. “If you weren’t so _adamant_ on carrying the torch for Garrett—” She has to stop for a second, her breath coming short as she remembers his puzzled look when she tried to convince him of how little SHIELD matters, of how they could just leave it all behind.

“You said he was like a father to you, right?” she goes on. She doesn’t miss the way Grant tenses. “He wouldn’t want you to get killed, would he?”

“I’ll go out on a limb here and say that he wouldn’t want me to get brainwashed either,” he shoots back. It’s sharp, but that’s okay. It stings, but soon— soon he’ll understand.

“You may not understand it now,” she says, softly. “But I’m trying to protect you.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but he hesitates. “ _Jemma_ ,” he finally calls, a note of desperation in his voice. “Whatever they are making you do—”

“No, you don’t _understand_ ,” she exclaims, taking a step back and rubbing her face with both hands, a note of exasperation in her voice because that’s the _problem_ , he thinks that SHIELD and Hydra and all that _matter_ , while they are _nothing_ — What matters is _them_. What matters is the life they could have if he just _stopped_ waving SHIELD’s flag.

“I don’t care about Hydra,” she states. “Or SHIELD. I care about science, and I care about you, and Fitz—” Her voice breaks, and she needs a moment before she can go on, tears swelling up in her eyes. “SHIELD has poisoned your head,” she finally says, and it sounds a bit like a plea for him to realize it.

She can’t help the wave of helplessness that rushes through her body as he scoffs. “That’s rich,” he comments, a humourless grin on his face. “Coming from the woman who’s trying to _brainwash_ me.”

He’s angry. It makes her chest ache and she needs to take a small step back, trying to remind herself that it’s okay, that he just needs a little help and he’ll _get it_. This is necessary. She can’t watch him die for nothing, she has lost too many people already.

“Grant,” she calls, softly. It’s the tone that her mum used to soothe her when she would get hurt, before both her parents were cruelly taken from her and she was left alone with no one to remind her that things were going to be fine. She hopes that a bit of her mum’s warmth will reach Grant, because she knows that this must be scary for him and she doesn’t want him to be alone in it. “I’m trying to save you,” she attempts again. “I already lost Fitz to this senseless war— Coulson would get you killed too, and I’m not going to let that happen, okay?”

He stares silently for a few seconds, and there’s a blissful moment in which Jemma hopes that he’ll understand what she’s saying and that he’ll forgive her for the pain that it will cause him.

In the end, he just lets out a defeated scoff, looking resigned. “You are crazy,” he says, quietly. It sounds like he’s talking mostly to himself, but Jemma still feels a punch in the gut at those words.

“I—” She wants to say that she loves him. But those are big words and they don’t belong in this ugly room, while Grant is wrestling with his loyalty and he wouldn’t be able to understand how much she means them. They will have plenty of time for that. He will hear her and he will say it back, because he’s always been hers, it’s only that SHIELD gets in the way of them being happy. “I care about you, truly,” she resolves to say.

“Funny way of showing it,” he snarls. Jemma tears her eyes away from his anger, hugging herself as if that simple gesture could shield her from it.

“Sometimes you just have to do bad things— for the right reasons,” she finally says.

He lets out another scoff, and there’s so much contempt behind it that Jemma almost starts crying.

She steps closer and lays a soft kiss on his cheek. They need to get started.

She takes a deep breath, hyperaware that he’s watching her every move as she steps away to turn on the machine. She expects him to try to call her again, to try to convince her not to do it, but he stays silent, and Jemma isn’t sure if the lack of words is a relief, because she doesn’t have to be reminded that he doesn’t understand, or if the fact that he’s given up just hurts.

Grant has never been one to give up.

This won’t break him, she has to remind herself. It will still be _Grant_ , she’ll just wash away SHIELD’s poison. That’s all.

“Take a deep breath…”


End file.
